The End of We?

Is It Final.. Is it the end of US?

I am no longer a we, but I still feel like a we. It's only been seven months since Phil died, but sometimes it already feels like an eternity...I miss him with every fiber of my being.

His stuff is still in the same places it was before he left.  His pants and clothes are in the same places in our bedroom.  His glasses are on the big coffee table in the living room and his junk is still on the island with a huge pile of unopened Blue Cross Blue Shield letters. I'm afraid to do anything with any of it for fear I will have to stop being a we.

I've been a we for my entire adult life. I didn't ever want to be without him. When I would tell him that, he often reminded me that he was older than me and it was likely going to happen. I dismissed it because my family seemed to die young and his was full of longevity. In the end Phil was dead right.

Gratefully I have two sons to remind me that I was a the half of a once wonderful we. I mourn at times for us, for having him such a short time...37.25, 26.80, 23.75 years. But then I am so grateful to have had any years with him. I was a lucky woman and most of the time I not only knew it, I savored it. I was blessed to have him as my husband and a father to our two sons.  And now I embrace all those wonderful times and memories and hang on to them with dear life to help carry me through this grief that I know will never quite go away.

December 2015

Today I was listening to the Daily Audio Bible and  a verse Thessalonians 4:13 came up. The verse talked about grief without hope.  I think it was about Jesus rising from the dead, but I thought it could apply to me right now.  I am grieving, but I do have hope. I do believe I will have a wonderful life with purpose before I leave this earth.  And I'm getting closer to believing that someday Phil might come to get me and I will be a complete we again.