But something happened a couple of months ago that changed my mind about being alone...
In May I got a Facebook request from the widower of a grad school friend. She was a wonderful lady, they were happily married and she passed away four months before Phil from cancer in October 2015. When I moved to Texas in 2005 I sadly lost touch with several people and she was one of them.
Dave and I played catch up about where life had taken us. We exchanged regrets we had not become closer friends when we were couples. Phil often said he wished we had... I sent Dave a great picture I took of Sylvia with her beloved convertible in front of an Ohio covered bridge. It was a pleasant exchange. I posted we were coming to Michigan on Facebook. Dave asked when we were coming, a short exchange later, Dave asked about a get together. This was going to be a super busy visit, Phil's memorial, new daughter-in-law's first visit, meeting my oldest newly serious girlfriend...and I wasn't interested in the complication of another man in my life. I had grown quite accustom (and liked) living on my own. I felt blessed to be able to take care of myself and to have lived and loved Phil for nearly four decades! Basically I let Dave know there wasn't much time and he said he understood.
For some reason I regretted not contacting him and shortly after returning in July I contacted him and apologized. We had a long exchange of texts and over the next month there were a couple more. It was easy to "talk" with him and I felt we were kindred spirits having lost our soul mates. I am not really a texting person, but I enjoyed our conversations. Then the weekend of Hurricane Harvey we actually talked on the phone for several hours and that would be just the beginning of what would become 3 to 5 hour phone conversations, texts and emails. I realized I missed being loved and living alone was an easy way to be emotionally detached. I just had experienced (and lost) a five year battle with cancer.
Dave waltzed into my life. Not only was he easy to talk with, we had a lot in common: a tough complicated youth, cars, motorcycles, desires for the future. I asked him if he wanted me to love him and I questioned whether two people could fall in love this way. The nicest part was I didn't feel like we had to hide Sylvia or Phil and we didn't have to leave them behind, they would always be a part of us. I did have some questions whether Dave would be able to move forward, but I didn't want to not take a chance that lightning might be striking twice
...so into the rabbit hole I went.
